He did a perfect work on the cross. Who am i to question.

Sigh... think Clifton must be utterly pissed with me now.... not that i'm not with him... Too bad... think he hit the limit... the limit to explosion.... and that's what did happen... explosion. i exploded! just Totally lost it. Totally.

Noe rite, really, there's no point going to church and everything, listening to the word if i don't apply in my life. Pa was so right. i mean, sometimes for me, i get too caught up with every trial i'm going thru and just refuse to turn to Him, like sincerely, after i think how much He seems to have disappointed me. And then i just do not reign in life. Simply when i just continue with that kinda attitude. And then, i get pissed, i get heated up, i just totally lose it.

i so need to gear myself back into the flow.

I was just looking thru some of my previous entries on blogger... and i realised something.......
my life is so glorious! i mean, like i always feel that, ey how come others' lives are so glorious and my life is so... mediocre? like why am i always unhappy etc etc... but really, when i look back (at the burnt offerings), i see how joyous i was.... and probably still am too! (u noe how actually u're happy in all other aspects but one single stupid thing could just bog u down? ya..) Praise God, really! He's seen me thru everything.... and HE'LL continue seeing me thru!
Actually... as i look away from my problems and look at other aspects of my life, i realise that He's just blessing my every step, every singe step of life... Just look... at like the day before yesterday, and yesterday... i got bleessed so tremendously by yvonne, and all the other darlings of the CG so to speak! The day before yesterday, me, Xuehui, Wanting and Yvonne had such a blessed time of felloowship together. Went to California Pizza (for my first time).... the food was... quite good la... only that the pizza looked funny with all the salad and avacado toppings... haha.... hmmm and then for yesterday, we had CG dinner... so wonderful.... i so thank God that i didn't go home instead after psych lect.... (cuz i wasn't really feeling too well?) We went all the way to Sembawang.... a part of Singapore that Pearlyn almost never goes... the place was called "bottletree village" (had trees that really looked like bottles.... how queer...) It's this really super duper ulu place that looks so much like Malaysia... the toilet reminded us of one of the stopovers when we'd go to m'sia for camp... haha... most pple's reception turned to celcom there.... M1 stood! Survival of the fittest.... hahaa.... Moving right along.....
The foood there's reaewwi not bad la.... can go again that kind... only that the svs was super slow... oh well..... at least i was in SUCH tremendous company.... whoa.... Jo shared... not from the bible or anything... but she just so shared Life into all of us.... whoa so refreshing... My prev throat agony was just like drowned la... Praise God! I really can't imagine her having to move up... what'll happen to us???? hahaha....
Oh, and like some of the others know that i was going to serve in ambs le... Tat Hwan says i'm so blessed to be called there to serve and touch lives... Well that is probably so true... i do want to touch lives.... He shall give me GRACE!
OK... i'm gonna go study abit, then prep to go for the easter party at lydia's... Praise God... Lord, i pray for a wonderful time with me darlings!!!

Great! Blogger sucks! type type type so long... only to find nothing published...
Me's not typing everything again...

Lord You have called me to a great purpose, and You have a portion unique just for ME! I ask that You protect me every step of my way, and keep the enemy from stealing this away from me... for Your gifts and callings are irrevocable...

Lord, and Clinton, Please Lord, i really don't noe what to do with him... Is he a blessing or a curse to my family? Lord why do u always want me to believe the former, when in effect, in the natural it is appparent that the latter applies? Lord, into Your hands i commit this boy. I am so weary of him... so is everyone else... Strengthen us Lord!

Praise God! i passed my stats test!!!!! totally came unexpected... i was still asking God to help me be able to take it when i got back the results... Praise God!!! Like, finally i have more hope in stats! rather, i should say, i have hope in stats once again! i have to say, that i'd totally lost hope prior to this man..... Praise God! He is faithful... my marks were higher than the mean somemore! and obviously much higher than my test1 marks! Praise GOd!! He is faithful... though i really had such little faith, He was still faithful... Knowing how important this is to me... Well well.... one thing though, why is it, that it really seems that i hafta go thru so many :( sighs and all before i see His testimony? Why is it that i always go thru so much agony before i see His results? Can u believe, a stupid thought actually'd come into my mind before... "is God a masochist or wat?" i know that's like outright blaspheme la... but it really did come across my mind! I mean, i'm put thru so much so much, before i see His results...
Ok la, i noe it's probably cuz of my lack of belief, rest etc... But is it really possible that one can rest fully in full expectation of good to come? Is it possible that we don't worry? Is it possible that one can have SUCH a revelation of Him and His goodness that nothing gets them? Hmmmmm.... Someone tell me? :)

i feel loved. i really do... of course i feel loved by God! but at the same time, i feel loved by the men around me... in my life... always in my life... though i am distant many times... they're there somehow... suddenly feeling this gush of euphoria... u're dreaming Pearlyn... ok.... snapping back into reality.... haha....
ok i shall continue with talking about yesterday's ermm... escapade... haha... ya, i stopped at the dare.... ya, then after that we went to bencoolen street to eat at this ice monster place... and then after that, we headed to tiong bahru market, and then to holland v again... amici restaurant... but that was a total disappointment and flop la... we RAN there, only to find no food... and the stupid person was like, "consider this done" hello!! ok nvm... then after that, we went back to school... something lidat la... though we kinda did quite badly, haha..., it was indeed a good bonding between moi and me cg members! that's no. 1! No.2, it changed my impression of Jocelyn... She was my councillor la... and like at first i was like... quite disappointed... i confess haha... but then, like throughout the thing, she was really quite nice i must say... hahaah... God really has His ways... for 4 yrs we were classmates, my impression of her has always been very bad... but like after yesterday, i must say that my impression of her did improve quite a bit.. :)
ya... ok that's all i shall say about the foodhunt... oh one more, MY BODY ACHES! haha... but my meemee is so good... help me massage yesterday... somemore give me 'pedicure' (only she'll noe what i'm talking about haha) ya! Praise God!!
oh my, i got so much to say... ok, after the foodhunt, we went for campus... to listen to 15 min of the msg... haha... but! even then, whoa when we were singing the last few songs before deacon pronounced the blessings, whoa... i was just like.... (still feeling all weary and jaded, and feeling like He's so far from me,)... i was just like crying out to Him, "Lord, don't let me go, don't let me go..." and the next thing u noe, i just suddenly felt His presence so tangibly, so great... comforting me.... letting me noe of His presence with me.... i was so refreshed... ya noe, really there are so many times, i have 1001 questions about God, but..... nomatter what, i can't deny that He IS there... so, i still trust that nomatter what happens in the course of events, my end is still glorious! He's shown me over and over again.... and He'll show me AGAIN! Ya noe Lord, i have a wish, Lord i wish that u can use me, or anyone else, to bless kimseng for camp... i've been in his position.... and i've been blessed so much by others... and i really wish that u could use me to bless him... how? i don't know... well nomatter what, ur thoughts and ways are far greater than mine... whether u use me or not... it really doesn't matter... I'm just a vessel.... i just noe, that You will be faithful! Amen! Ok... looks like my entry's too long.... so i shan't really talk about today la... key thing: fellowship and bonding with xuehui, kimseng and clement... went for service and after service tea (prata actually haha) together... Praise Jesus!!! I LOVE BEING IN THE COMPANY OF FELLOW CHURCH PEOPLE!!!! :)

hmmm... ok i gotta write this entry... gotta talk about yesterday, wish to talk about today as well... hehe...
ok... yesterday.... morning... met up with Shufang for breakfast! hope she did like her present! then, went for the foodhunt... my group consisting of me, xuehui, kimseng and faith... whoa... it was..... really fun......... and TIRING!! haha... i shall not go into much detail as to what we did la... bascially the route was just first the ice breaker (almost literally, cuz we actually had to try to melt the block of ice and retrieve the key inside to unlock the lock to our nxt station).. wah, that one was so hard... we really tried ways and means man... ok then we went to biopolis road the foodcourt there... i totally did not know the existance of that place until yesterday... just behind moe building... studying near there for almost two years and i didn't have the slightest idea that place existed... RUN, RUN, RUN, up a slope somemore... being super unfit Pearlyn, i felt i was gonna die haha... ok then after that station, we went to... holland village... was made to *drink* half a watermelon there... using only straws and nothing else.... i kinda liked it, but the others apparently didn't like it much.. cuz they said they mostly drank air... i drank a lot of juice... skill man... haha
and then, after that, we went to queensway hawker centre... the shui jing pao... that was quite yummy... ok, then after that, oh ya... mirchi restaurant at esplanade... indian cuisine.. not bad... then, harbourfront fish soup, oh and after that, we had a choice between doing a dare and skipping 2 stations, or carry on with the 2 stations... we chose the dare la... naturally, considering the fact that we were one of the *erhmm* last teams... haha...
the dare was, to go on the trapeze in sentosa... so scary... lucky only 2 teammates had to go... kimseng was chosen unanimously, and then xuehui reluctantly went... ( there was NO WAY i ever was going on that thing) i totally salute xueuhi man! hiya i gotta go already la... i shall continue nxt time...