Today is the first time I'm really conscientiously sitting in front of my computer, doing part of the large pile of assignments I'm supposed to complete. It actually feels pretty good in fact. Finally, a concrete attempt to get my life sorted.

The revelation that is so salient here. I have JESUS. Something that I almost forgot, even subconsciously. When the mess in my life got the better of me, I just kept letting it get the better of me, and drowned. and drowned. and drowned. deeper and deeper into depths unfathomable. that made me lose sight. lose ability. lose every speck of energy I ever had. question whether there was ever any energy to begin with. I guess this analogy does look apt. It is true isn't it, that the deeper one ventures into the oceans, the darker it becomes? Darkness that is absolutely silent. Darkness that is absolutely solitary. Darkness that is claustrophobic. Darkness that has no escape. That the more you struggle, the more you lose it.

But, what happened to the Light of the World who resides in me? what happened to knowing that I have a JESUS whose Modest Operandi spells S.A.V.I.O.R???

The part about coming to an end of myself, as what I'm often taught, I find it not difficult to see. But the more important part of it, I seem to reduce it to subscript.

HIS STRENGTH IS MADE PERFECT in my weaknesses. I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME. This should be the way.

I have a Saviour who lives in me and empowers me from within. Yet I've been living in a way as though He lives apart from me and that I have to keep pleading with Him to help me.

My God lives IN me. When I am weak, THEN I am STRONG.
I HAVE the LIFE and MIND of CHRIST.