Dear Lord, i really need ur strength and wisdom here Lord... I really haf got no idea if getting in touch with Chris again is a good thing for me? I dono if i'm equipped with the emotional ability to handle this friendship....
Lord i'm really confused..... just now when he called me i started out quite like jittery.... then after that i actually felt quite irritated by the things he said? hmmmm..... what do i feel towards him? Did i feel irritated cuz of his conversation? Or was it to protect myself by conditioning me to be indifferent toward him so i won't get hurt? in the event that he really gets another girlfriend or sthg...............
Hmmmm actually i cud be quite positively sure that the irritation stems from the former..... I mean there were some things he said, oh man like..... please give me a break..... ya thats so Chris aneewaes... That was one thing i cudn't really stand then and still cudn't now... hmmm.... Anndd......... he doesn't noe me like at all anymore.... Hallo!! 2 yrs is really kinda long eh? Considering how much my life's been transformed by u Lord....... which, Praise God!!! Anndd.... the thing is, neither do i noe him anymore.. works both ways? hmmm....
Hiya hiya i noe that i don't like him anymore la.... Ok i'll admit it... Its just my big fat ego... and my soft spot for feelings.... like i'm just a very easily emotionised person.... (word created by yours faithfully haha)... and maybe also cuz my NUS no life is too sian to take... haha.... but, whatever it is, i noe I'm still waiting for my OMG Mr. all meant for Pearlyn, to come into my life and just bowl me over...... haha ok meibee not so exaggerated.... but well my pt brought across.... So in fact, i noe where i'm heading.... Just need to stay focussed.... And Lord, that's where i'm most vulnerable and weak.... but this being so, thats where i noe u'll be able to work in my life the fullest.... I surrender all to u Lord....
Ya Lord, teach me, fill me with your Love, lemme noe how to handle this, how do i go about maintaining a friendship with him? Or shld i at all? For 2 yrs i've lived life happy without him.... Shld i reallow an entity like this to re enter part of Pearlyn, even as her friend? This sounds selfish i do realise, but i really don't noe how to handle, and i'm not prepared to....... Oh Lord... Bring me into a phase of maturity Lord...